Growing up, I remember you saying, “You will never know how much I love you”, and at the time, there was no possible way for me to comprehend the magnitude of the love that you had for me.
But you were wrong, mom. I now know. I now know the love a mother has for her child.
I can see you rocking me to sleep, breathing me in, holding me close and praying that you never forget the feeling of me fitting so perfectly on your chest. I see you caressing my cheek and kissing my little toes.
I see you feeding and nurturing me through all hours of the night. I see pride and excitement when I reach milestones. I see you kissing my boo boos and making them all better. I see you cuddling me and making me feel safe after having a nightmare.
I see both the worry and the helplessness when my fever just wouldn’t break. I see the weight you carried…the mental, emotional and physical load. I see you planning my birthday parties and wishing you could stop the clock…or at least slow it down. I see you sending me off to kindergarten, filled with bittersweet emotions…and squeezing me tightly when I return home, asking me all about my day.
I see you taking time out of your busy day to play with me, even though you had so much laundry to catch up on.
I see you feeling guilty for raising your voice at me because I just wouldn’t listen. I see you tip-toeing into my room in the middle of the night to check my breathing and to just kiss me one more time before going to bed.
I see you having to remember every. little. detail. Curling my hair for picture day, signing permission slips, planning dinner every night, getting my outfit ready for the next school day, chaperoning field trips, attending parent teacher conferences, and remembering to send snacks to school with me for the Valentine’s Day party.
I finally see how tired you were…but also how full your heart was.
I see your dedication and all of the sacrifices you made.
I finally see it, mama.
I see your love. I know your love. And I feel your love. Always.